The Paris Diary: 2 Weeks of Singledom ❤️
written by Elena Chen
This is about being single for 2 weeks while in a 3 year long relationship.
I think I have a pretty low tolerance for imperfection and my ideas of perfection are persnickety. So I can get upset quite a lot, especially when it comes to the expectations I have of myself or of the people close to me. Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel said, the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. I couldn't agree more. My boyfriend is a top quality person and we have a really cool relationship, even if I do say so myself. We moved to Paris together a year ago, a year after I started taking French lessons at a community college. Since meeting, we've traveled to more than 7 countries together. How is that even possible? I don't know to be honest. Life has a way of filling itself out. Recently he left for a two week long trip in Asia with some friends and I was struggling with the idea of it for so long. I wanted to be the kind of person who is so self assured that I wouldn't give a second thought to my partner going for a great adventure without me. Me, being at home, day after day, all alone. What am I going to do with all the time? And this thought scared me more than anything.
I am ultimately whole. And very fine at that. I don't need this person to complete me.
Had I forgotten already what it means to be alone? Had I gotten so complacent in a relationship that I let dust settle on all the principles I laid out for myself? Is my life, as a single student, really something I can't find a way to ascribe meaning to? On the eve of his departure, as I stood there frantically packing the rest of his suitcase with him 40 minutes before the cab to the airport arrived, I felt the first pang of many moments where I was even a little looking forward to this time, all alone.
I was invited to join their trip many times but I knew I had to take on this challenge because it was an affirmation I needed for myself. I needed to teach myself the lesson behind growing comfortable with sleeping alone, cooking meals for one and making decisions on my own. I am ultimately whole. And very fine at that. I don't need this person to complete me. He just makes my life better, not what it is. I was right to question my complacency because I had allowed that narrative to take root. Again. That narrative where the central conflict to my existence is a romantic one upon whose resolution I would reach true happiness. My happily ever after. I kept trying to fix things in my relationships or the other person to get to that, to finally be happily ever after, but it was misdirected energy headed for entropy. Happily ever after is a narrative, a story, told to children, who are willing to listen. Why do we tell children these things? It's terribly unrealistic and misleading.
Have I been happy, during this temporary singledom? Oh, yes. I miss my partner but I have also been happy. I took this wonderful walk from one end of the Seine to the other on a gently sunkissed afternoon. I went to have Korean food with some friends that tasted incredible. I made sales with my small business, in French no less! I went to the cinema, I had classes at school, I had a dinner party. I watched this truly well made Chinese tv show about lawyers. This doesn't sound like much compared to a two week adventure across Japan and Korea, but adventure isn't the only version of happiness. I've been having my own sort of adventure anyway. I share this experience with myself and myself only, really.
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