In actuality, I didn’t remove this person from my life, rather I just stopped being present in theirs. And with the big holiday fast approaching, there is only so much I can personally do to protect myself since this toxic person is a family member. Is it a removable family member? No. In fact we have known each other my entire life, and so my emotional abuse has seen me throughout childhood and well into adulthood.

I wish I can say that it all started with an epiphany, but realistically how these things come about is having to have the literal last straw. Or one day I awoke from a crying nap and realized that it was all tiring. Everyday it was too much. And so, after many motivational TikTok videos, it sank into me that I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. I took stock of myself. I prayed, I meditated, I listed in my gratitude journal of every single thing I was thankful for in my life. Every morning or night, I made a point to thank the Universe for one thing I was grateful for, like my life depended on it. Slowly, the days became a little less gray, and like those pivotal montage scenes in a good film, I began to feel stronger and surer of my decision. My decision to emotionally erase this toxic person from my everyday life.

It’s like that song “Matilda” by Harry Styles, the lyrics were written for people like me, “You can let it go. You can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family, ‘cause they never showed you love. You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up…” That song is emotional terrorism, but it’s so honest and strangely healing. My journey began two years ago and I have only now started to heal. This toxic person didn’t deserve me. That is part of the healing, because to understand that means your insides are rebuilding.